Sometimes heartache falls, and things occur in the unknown ways than ever expected. Can I just humbly say that I am currently going through some pretty crappy stuff. Well, not me but my friends. But it feels like I’m going through it too. I can’t name any specifics but I have a great friend who is like my sister that I have known since she was a year old. Her older sister and I are best friends. Over the past few years there have been some ups, downs and struggles in different kinds of addictions in her life. It has been so hard on her family to not feel the pressure to take the weight upon their own shoulders.
Just recently my dear friend decided to seek professional counsel in order to get out of the dark tunnel she has been facing. Into this gleam of hope we come to find that twice she turned her back on this hope. And twice she had fallen straight on her face, literally, because of an overdose of a very hard substance. Both times it was only a miracle by God that she even reached the hospital and has been revived back to life.
My heart is broken. She doesn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. She would rather stay in the darkness and never get out.
Through these situations it is almost impossible to see any sort of goodness and purpose for something so terrible. Knowing that each human: boy, girl, man, woman is a gift from God given to this earth and to think that in an instant this gift can be taken away.
Going through this I have been randomly falling down on my knees asking God why?!?! “I love her, she is my sister, and this isn’t reality!”
I love that we have a God that we can be real with. We can tell Him our deepest feelings, we don’t need to act like everything is ok, because in reality—this is not “ok” to me.
But it is interesting that when you know the heart of Jesus and that He never has a plan to ruin, kill or destroy and I know Hebrews 11:1 teaches that “faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see”. Faith is not a matter of seeing and believing, but of believing in order to someday see. This is the struggle of genuine Biblical faith, and all believers have known it, especially when the object of our hope seems impossible by human calculations. The faith of Abraham teaches us to never lose faith when hearing from God, even when His word sounds unreasonable or even beyond reason itself. What may be thought of as destruction or laughable at first may wind up being true in the end.
Another one of my great friends and I were on a car ride home from a meeting just this past week and come to find that her only baby nephew, her sisters only child and her parents only grandchild was found dead in His sleep. His respiratory tract was not blocked, there wasn’t anything that could have prevented this.
It seems so surreal.
As my friend screamed and we cried in the car together all I could do was pray. I don’t know the reasons of any of this. It sucks, it’s hard but I know God has a plan.
And honestly after all of this there has been many reasons seeing how God is truly sovereign through all of it. It is not easy to have a mentality of seeing “good” out of these situations but when you know who God is and that He only wants to bring true life then this is when we can see the hope that is hard to take grasp of.
Again, I don’t understand why, but I am ok with knowing that I will never really know why. There is nothing we can do to change something like this but we can truly see the importance of life. Cherish the people around you, you’re loved ones, friends, and family. Love people selflessly and live each day truly in a way that you will never regret.
I am sad for everything happening right now but I know that there is more than my own control, and that what I think is best is not always best but I also know that the MOST I can do is pray intently for these circumstances.
Do not lose hope because hope is real. It changes everything.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel!!