Lately there have been some feelings inside my heart that I can’t explain, feelings I don’t understand. I have to say, I love everything about my life. I am blessed with great work, great family, great friendships but still some things inside of me are unexplainable. I’ve tried to explain it to people but then I just start to get really confused myself.
I guess I have been realizing I really love living oversees. Since I got home 2 years ago from traveling to over 19 different countries in a year I came home a changed person. I came back to friends family and a home that didn’t seem to change. But I changed a lot. The conversations I cared about were different, the things I wanted to do were different, I saw injustice at home the way i’d never noticed before, and I took my career and did it in a way that i’ve never done before.
I realized that while I travel I get to meet the most incredible people in the world. I hear stories that you only read in books, i’ve seen things that most people don’t know exist, I get to teach things that set people up for a future, and I get to learn; I learn a lot. I learn about myself. I learn how much I am adored, loved, wanted, valued. I learn my weaknesses, my strengths. I learn how far I can go physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I learn to welcome being uncomfortable. It’s now normal. There is no change or challenge when you are in your comfort zone.
I realize that it’s easier for me to live in these places I have been. People want to know me, they care about me, they have love for me and no expectations; they just want me to be me. I find comfort in this.
Then I come to the reality of being home. Don’t get me wrong, once again, I love and am blessed where I live. But it’s hard. I am more out of my comfort zone than I have been in a really long time. Living in a place where i’ve grown up and people knew me, where you I have changed and they haven’t, where the reason I work isn’t the same as it was before, the decisions I make aren’t the same decisions I used to make, my values and what I find most important have now changed. It’s hard when I am expected certain things or people see me the way I was or I am not understood when I make a decision. It’s exhausting.
So here I am, a new year, a fresh year. After set backs, discouragements, tired of explaining what I am doing with my life I am here, I am raw and really authentic. I am excited, I am ready to go far beyond myself and my limits to live here, now, and thrive out of my comfort zone, I am ready for change, ready for a challenge and just so ready!