Home and out of my comfort zone

Lately there have been some feelings inside my heart that I can’t explain, feelings I don’t understand.  I have to say, I love everything about my life.  I am blessed with great work, great family, great friendships but still some things inside of me are unexplainable.  I’ve tried to explain it to people but then I just start to get really confused myself.

I guess I have been realizing I really love living oversees.  Since I got home 2 years ago from traveling to over 19 different countries in a year I came home a changed person.  I came back to  friends family and a home that didn’t seem to change.  But I changed a lot.  The conversations I cared about were different, the things I wanted to do were different, I saw injustice at home the way i’d never noticed before, and I took my career and did it in a way that i’ve never done before.

I realized that while I travel I get to meet the most incredible people in the world.  I hear stories that you only read in books, i’ve seen things that most people don’t know exist, I get to teach things that set people up for a future, and  I get to learn; I learn a lot.  I learn about myself.  I learn how much I am adored, loved, wanted, valued.  I learn my weaknesses, my strengths.  I learn how far I can go physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  I learn to welcome being uncomfortable.  It’s now normal.  There is no change or challenge when you are in your comfort zone.

I realize that it’s easier for me to live in these places I have been.  People want to know me, they care about me, they have love for me and no expectations; they just want me to be me.  I find comfort in this.

Then I come to the reality of being home.  Don’t get me wrong, once again, I love and am blessed where I live.  But it’s hard.  I am more out of my comfort zone than I have been in a really long time.  Living in a place where i’ve grown up and people knew me, where you I have changed and they haven’t, where the reason I work isn’t the same as it was before, the decisions I make aren’t the same decisions I used to make, my values and what I find most important have now changed.  It’s hard when I am expected certain things or people see me the way I was or I am not understood when I make a decision.  It’s exhausting.

So here I am, a new year, a fresh year. After set backs, discouragements, tired of explaining what I am doing with my life I am here, I am raw and really authentic.  I am excited, I am ready to go far beyond myself and my limits to live here, now, and thrive out of my comfort zone, I am ready for change, ready for a challenge and just so ready!


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